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The Dream Sequences

1. In an undated notebook, preserved in the Stuart Gilbert Papers (Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center at the University of Texas at Austin), Lucia kept track of her dreams while she was at Northampton. She observed simply, "I told my dreams to Miss Harmer every morning and now I am going to try to write them down." Collectively they reveal the people who remained significant in memory along with a consistent and reiterated sense of danger and loss. Giorgio, Emil Fernandez and his cousin Roger Bickert populated her dreams, as did Samuel Beckett, Alec Ponisovsky, and her best friend, Kitten Neel. Her dance teachers appeared to her, as did experiences of music, dance, theater and ballet. In the world of sleep, what she loved vied with anxiety: she dreamed repeatedly of her father's death, of being lost, of being run over, of falling and of people disappearing. She recorded dream images of being in hotel rooms with men, of drinking "medicated milk," of a child in association with Roger Bickert, of being in a small room with Dr. Bertrand-Fontaine, and of losing a dog.

From Lucia Joyce. "My Dreams," Unpublished manuscript.
Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, University of Texas at Austin.

"I was in an old fashioned hotel with my mother and father so I decided to go to the cinema by myself so I went in a bus or tram and it was a small cinema. I got myself an ice cream then I talked in German to a taxi driver and I did not remember the name of the hotel in which my parents were. Then I was run over by a train. It was a place I did not know at all."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, University of Texas at Austin.

"I dreamt I was...with a piano teacher a woman. I could see her very clearly. Then there was my father. He looked very well but he did not seem to know what to do. Then I was in France and did not like it at all. I insulted everybody but I was sorry afterwards."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt I went to a shoe shop in Zurich and lost my nice scarf so they gave me another one."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt my brother was in a little shop having tea but the tea had a taste of ink. They had all sorts of sweets in the shop then two young men came in. Then I dreamed the table was messy. My brother gave me some sweets and cakes then we had tea in a nice flat where there was some [indecipherable] so I went away to a place where I could see the Eiffel tower. Then I asked for a taxi to go home but at first they said they could not get me one. They were rather angry then they did get me one in the end and told me that my father had died."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt I was having a piano lesson and I arrived _ of an hour late. My teacher had some chocolates which she offered me. Then there was a boy somewhere and I had some writing paper and envelopes and a pencil."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt of my father and brother and of Emile Fernandez. He was in his house and there were a lot of people about. I had to wash dishes but I did not do it. I ran away. Emile said he would buy me a coat as the one I had was getting shabby. I can remember quite well what happened. We went upstairs and there was a sort of hole and I nearly fell down."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt of a child and then I was looking for Roger Bickert but did not find him."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt I was in a theater. It looked like the Trocadero and my mother was there. It was very crowded. Then there was a ballet performance. I had a bag which did not close very well and my things kept on falling out. I had a camera and some money. My parents disappeared and I was waiting for them to come back. Then I had two lovely big apples which I wanted to give to my brother. My sister-in-law was also there and when I asked her for money, she refused to give it to me."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt that a young Jewish man was in love with me and he had a very nice shop of glass bottles and crystal things. I was in a corner in a lovely bed with a red velvet cover."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt of when I was...in France near the Bois de Vincennes."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt of a child and then I was looking for Roger Bickert but did not find him."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt of Helene Vanel and the dance and...I had...all sorts of thoughts."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt...that Miss Neel was married to an Irish man who wrote a letter to somebody mentioning me. It was in France and there were a lot of French people."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt I was with a lot of rich people. We went to a sort of conference or concert and I asked if I could sing...We went by ambulance, a German one, then I found my father and kissed him with much love also mother I kissed her and was happy we were in a bus or train. There was another bus coming near us. I also talked about Helene Vanel and Lois Hutton."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt of Mr. Beckett and Mr. Leon. He was going away somewhere. Then my shoes had a big hole, so I ordered some shoes and slippers."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt I went all naked to a very nice hotel where there was a very nice young man. Then I was in a chemistry shop and had some medicated milk. They told me my father was dying."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt I was eating cherrys [sic]. Then I was in love and was going to become a mother. There were a few French girls there. They were very slim and young. Then I went to buy a paper Le Figaro...then there was Mrs. Neel and Mr. Leon."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt...about dogs and Alec. Then I had a little white puppy dog and I had to feed him but I lost him. There was also another puppy dog like a bull dog."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt of Madame Fountaine our doctor. She took me to her home and I had a lot to eat. There was a very big strong man. Then I went in a very small room where I could hardly move about. Then there was an Englishman who wanted to talk to me."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt...Nurse Wainwright put a camisole de force on me. As she was sewing it up I could not take it so she gave me another pair of socks...she had a black veil over her face and I asked her if I could have it to wear. The houses were moving up and down like in an earthquake. I could not put my camisole on."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt I was with a lot of nice nurses....as I was ill...I had a nice little doll which belonged to one of the nurses."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"I dreamt I was going to America with Mr. Leon and Helen. Then I passed through Dublin and stopped there. There were a lot of people about and I asked a girl about Mr. Beckett and other people and friends. ..I did not want to go to America as I was afraid of the journey so I thought I would stay in Dublin. I went to a tea room in Dublin and asked for money. They gave it to me. Then there was a young man there. I asked him if he liked me and he said rather."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.

"Dear Baby, Please come to fetch me. I want to be in Ireland with you. My father is in Heaven, also my mother and I miss them very much."
   Lucia Joyce to Bozena Delimata, 7 May 1973. Unpublished letter, Stuart Gilbert Papers, HRC.

Dear Baby, I have written to Dr. Banner to ask him if I could go to see you in Bray....It is no use going to Church. It does not make things better."
   Lucia Joyce to Bozena Delimata, 13 January 1974. Unpublished letter, Stuart Gilbert Papers, HRC.

"I dreamt I was sitting in a Garden of St. Andrews Hospital and a lttle pretty white Butterfly came up to me but I squeezed it with my fingers of my left hand I think. What became of it? God knows it was so small you could hardly see it."
   Lucia Joyce, "My Dreams." Unpublished manuscript. HRC.